I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is the high leading the old right now
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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