so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize