I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
