Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
