if only i could text you this smell
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
