I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
