I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
