I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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