I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
