So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize