fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
