He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
