the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
