wanna go halves on a baby?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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