just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
