Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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