If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
