I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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