ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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