Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
