I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
