If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
