FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
