It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
