His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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