youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
