I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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