I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize