Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
