Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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