she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
