I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
