oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize