he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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