I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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