I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
