my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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