Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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