So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
