Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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