KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize