PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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