I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
