Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
