we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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