guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
