the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
