So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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