I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
