just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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