I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I will be naked everywhere
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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