listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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