you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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