i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
