Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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