You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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