can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
