And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
