I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
