Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
