Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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