mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize