so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
