My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize