im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
