I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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