Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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