Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
