I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
